Claustrophobic? Me? Nah… Adventures with gas masks #ArmyAdventures #BeAllYouCanBe #Memoir #Nonfiction #CreativeNonfiction #ThisIsMyLife

I’ve never been great with elevators or tight spots, but claustrophobic? Nah, not me. Or at least that’s what I thought. More likely, at the age of twenty-one, I hadn’t had many opportunities to be in tight spots (pardon the pun). I got my bachelor’s degree when I was twenty. I was busy with other things – not worrying about claustrophobia.

And then I joined the Army. One day during Basic Training, we stood outside of the barracks and a drill sergeant yelled the dreaded words: “Gas! Gas! Gas!” Crap. It was time to put on our protective mask or – as you civilians call them – our gas masks. I’m not embarrassed to say (okay, I’m a little embarrassed) that I lost my shit. Lost. My. Shit. I couldn’t breathe. The gas wasn’t going to kill me. A panic attack was. The drill sergeants thought I was fucking around and started screaming at me. Great help. Not.

I literally have no idea how I made it through that day. A day in which we were not only forced to wear our protective masks but also our protective gear for twenty-four hours straight. I can tell you this. I went to the toilet a lot – A LOT – during those hours. And yes, I’m a sneaky bitch who took her mask off and sat on the toilet trying not to freak the fuck out.

Somehow I survived that day, but it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Nope. We also had to do the dreaded gas chamber. They actually call it a gas chamber. Talk about freak out. It happens like this. They line you up in groups and off you go into the gas chamber. First, things are relatively okay. You have your mask. You can breathe (relatively) well without inhaling gas. But then – bam! It’s time to take the mask off. And no, you don’t get to simply run outside afterwards. Nope, you have to stay inside and sing a children’s song. Only when you manage to get through a verse without stopping are you permitted to leave.

I managed to not only survive Basic Training and AIT, but I actually graduated and off I went to various military bases throughout the world. Well, guess what? That gas chamber shit was not over. NO!! Fortunately, I’d become even more sneaky. I have a very small head (go figure!), but each time I was issued new gear upon relocation, I asked for a medium-sized mask. Of course, it was impossible for me to seal the mask as the thing was too big! And voila! I never went into a gas chamber (or did any gas mask training) again.

So, yeah, it turns out I’m a bit claustrophobic. One of these days, I’ll write about the time I had to go through a tunnel in AIT. I shiver thinking about it.

Go Army!