Owning a B&B ~ Strangest One Star Reviews #MondayBlogs #Travel #Humor

I discussed (okay, I ranted and raved about) one-star reviews of my books a few blog posts ago. Basically, I concluded there wasn’t a damn thing you can do about them. Which does not make me a happy camper. Several friends asked why I let the reviews bother me. They were complete b.s. after all. Just let it go. Yeah, ‘cuz that’s the kind of person I am. Just letting shit roll off my back. But yesterday I was having lunch with a friend of mine and regaling (yes, regaling!) her with funny stories of reviews of my B&B. She asked if I let those reviews bother me, and I had a light bulb moment. I could not care less about those reviews now – a few years on. Maybe that’s all I need to ‘get over’ those lousy, inaccurate, bullying reviews – time.

So, while I wait for the years to pass and my blood to calm down over those reviews, I thought I’d share some of those somewhat unbelievable reviews of my B&B.

Couldn’t figure out how to use the shower. In one of the bathrooms of the B&B, I had installed a spa shower complete back massagers and seat. It was heaven. I used it whenever we didn’t have guests. Anyway, it was a bit confusing to figure out for some folks. Me? I just push and pull dials until I figure things out. I’d learned that not everyone was the same. How did I learn this? A guest came down to reception in a towel and asked me how to work the shower. After I nearly peed my pants with my efforts not to laugh at him, I showed him and his wife how it worked. After that, I made sure to show all guests how the shower worked when they arrived. Of course, this particular guest didn’t need my assistance. He refused to allow me to demonstrate how to use the shower and then wrote a nasty review because he couldn’t figure it out! Yes, seriously.

GPS took us to the wrong location. Because my B&B was a small family-run operation, I had limited check-in times – from 6 p.m. until 10 p.m. (or something like that, I’ve tried to wipe the entire time from my memory). Naturally, this guest booked via booking.com at 11 p.m. and wrote in the notes – late check-in. No shit! Good thing I was still awake. I waited and waited. They finally showed after 1 a.m. cussing up a storm because their GPS lead them to a farmhouse down the road from the B&B. (Because having a GPS means you don’t have to use common sense or know how to read a map.) Naturally, this was cause to give me a bad review. Never mind that I’d stayed up to check you in.

Not enough lights in the parking lot to fix my car. So, these hippies show up with a car registered in France. My French is crap, but I struggle on doing the check-in in French. Then, it turns out the sliding door on his van is stuck. By now it’s after 10 p.m. and I’m ready for bed. I offered to have the mechanic from my garage come in the morning before breakfast but, no, he was going to fix the car himself. Naturally, he didn’t have any tools. So, I spent an hour rushing up and down the stairs getting tools for him, taking several extra trips because I have no clue what most tools are called in French. Around 11:30, he gives up and says he’ll deal with it at home – in Holland. WTF? You’re Dutch? I not only speak Dutch but I speak construction in Dutch. I was majorly annoyed and my annoyance only worsened when the guy gave me a bad review because there were not enough lights in the parking lot to properly fix a car. Seriously?!?!?!

Although I still get a bit annoyed when I write these stories, I mostly just laugh. Because they’re ridiculous! Now, to apply this perspective to those annoying reviews that claim my ‘clean’ read is ‘smut on parade’.

Keep writing, peeps!